I’m a single mom to a 13 year old teen and we live in a bad area. I work two jobs to pay the bills. I’m currently a barista and at night I’m a dancer/stripper at a nightclub. I haven’t really told him about my night job yet, since I’ve just played it off as being a waitress. I feel like he’s gotten kind of mature now, but I also am kind of scared he might judge me or it might affect our relationship.
I’m so tired of your posts. Every single one is so formulaic. ‘I’m a single mom of a 13-year-old boy (yes I had him at 15), he sleeps in the same bed as me, should I tell him I’m dating someone, should I tell him I’m a stripper’… yadda yadda yadda. And sometimes you repost your past posts. To what end? I’m not sure what your deal is and why you insist on inappropriate interactions with your son, but it’s sick. I really hope this is a troll account because otherwise you have a seriously messed-up dynamic in which you treat your son more like a husband than your child, and I guarantee he will need counseling. If this is real you need to get your shit together. Jesus fucking christ.
Stripping isn’t a shameful profession. Treating it as such (by not telling your son) just perpetuates the idea that it is. Sure his friends may say something if/when they find out, but kids that age would react that way to anything around “sex” type issues. Best situation, this turns out to be an opportunity to educate him, his friends and others.
It is wild what 13 year olds grasp and even more wild what they retain.
I would just tell him you are a waitress.
You prolly should have that talk after you re able to stop.
He should know that he lives in a depraved country where one job is not enough and people are forced into sex work to make life work.
This is not a moral failing, this is a systemic issue.
But normies would rather dunk on less fortunate because in US hate the poor and go out of our way to make their lives shitter
I can’t see a positive to telling him that information. Kids don’t need to know every detail of their parents’ lives.
What about if a friend tells him first? Wouldn’t that be much worse?
Possibly, but how would a friend know? I’m making an assumption that it would have to be an adult to make the discovery and then make it’s way down to the kids. Not impossible for that to happen, but it’s probably as likely that the son would never find out. Or not find out until he’s an adult and maybe the discussion is had at that time. While it’s not impossible for other kids to get access to this, it’s less likely than if this was a situation where Mom has an only fans or does porn or something that can be accessed on the Internet.
Don’t make-it a big deal, and your kid won’t make-it a big-deal
But his friends most definitely will if they find out.
They will most likely find out anyway, and it’s better to have the kid hear it from the parent than from his friends.
Well, in 5 years he will have either heard it from you or heard it from his friends.
Also, holy shit, this is tough one. Sex work is legitimate work, but his friends, primarily young men, are not going to be cool about this; especially if there are lap dances involved. On the other hand, it keeps food in the pantry and heat in house.
If it were me, then I would rather here it from my mom than from my friends. In addition to maintaining an honest relationship with your son, this also protects you. Men are pretty fucked up and it is not a stretch to imagine that your sons’ friends or their fathers could use the threat of telling your son about your night work as the basis for sexual exploitation. At the very least, it would draw some dads’ attention your way that would cause nothing but problems. Consider explaining how much of your income is derived from stripping and then explain what it pays for. Be ready for him to suggest alternative occupations with knowledge about what your finances would look like if you switched. This will help him understand the why behind your work and allow him to arm up on return-fire jokes.
These types of jokes would, of course, be crass, and aimed at either the unfuckability of other kids’ moms or at their dads’ priorities; for example, their dad is willing to pay for his college but not their own sons’?
Additionally, this whole conversation may be a net positive for his personal views on porn, having a humanizing effect on the woman that he would otherwise see as objects. Life is hard and people do what they can. It’s a weird facet of our culture that sex work is so readily consumed AND so readily looked down on.
Finally, and this is speculative at best, with the GOP pushing a federal anti-porn bill through the house and senate, strip clubs may see an increase in foot traffic, thereby increasing both your income and your likelihood of your son finding out. It may, also, make this line of work illegal and therefore more dangerous.
All of this is for consideration and, unfortunately, none of this answers your question directly. Truly, this is an ethical question for the ages.
Growing up, my mom owned a women’s lingerie store on the main commercial street in the heart of our neighborhood. My teachers and classmates bought their bras and panties from my mom, and everyone knew this. Obviously, this isn’t exactly the same as sex work, but I can tell you I was served well by the fact that I never grew up inheriting any awkwardness or discomfort. My mom was proud and unembarrassed of her work, so then so was I.
Live a truth you’re not ashamed of and share that truth with your kids at an age appropriate level. You don’t need to be graphic, but tell your kids you work at a club. Tell them you’re a stage performer. If they say, “do you strip?” You can say yes or you can say that stage performances are for an adult audience and you would rather not discuss the details. But if you acted ashamed, you’re giving your kid that shame.
As a parent, one of the most important things is that we be the kind of people we want them to be. If you want your kid to be brave/mindful/proud/kind/patient/etc. you gotta try and live it.
Don’t tell him. Just a bad idea all around for a kid that age to have the stigma at school if that gets out, which it likely will.
Not telling him will not prevent it from getting out. Him hearing about it at school is worse than him hearing it from the parent.
How would telling him benefit either of you? As a random stranger in the internet, you don’t need to be the reason he lost his innocent view of the world.
If he starts asking direct questions, give age appropriate answers but I don’t see a reason to tell him unprompted
Do you mind me asking if you’re a parent or caregiver and if so what age you interact with?
I think your take is pretty moderate and reasonable, but as a dad to a five year old I feel that trying to preserve a child’s “innocence” feels misaligned with trying to preserve lifelong hope and faith in goodness. I feel like preservation of innocence implies growing up is an inevitable process of disillusionment. Does that make sense?
I think I basically agree with this; but with one caveat. If/when he finds out it should be from you.
Maybe just letting him know the name of the place you work would allow him to figure it out on his own as he gets older. Kinda depends on the relative location and how notorious (or not) the place is in your area.
Nope. He won’t judge you, but he will tell his friends, and his friends will tell their parents and then they will judge you.
None of this is certain and it’s pretty useless to speculate if you don’t know the kid.
Then why even ask the question in the first place? Since no one but OP knows their kid the most.
Good advice is context-aware. Is often about offering guidance to help someone assess their situation from a third-party view.
For instance, if you asked me how to give good advice to a stranger I wouldn’t say “tell them to get more sleep and exercise”. I’d say to focus on helping them figure out what their goal is and what their options are. You see the difference?
but also he’s still going to judge you.
Why would her son judge her negatively? Or do you mean he would appreciate how hard she works to make their life bearable?
I know Lemmy is very left-coded but you have to be trolling if you think a 13 year old won’t have any reaction to being told his mother strips for strangers
What has that to do with left-coding. This has more to do with imprinting notions.
Edit: If she or important people around them imprinted on the kid that caring and providing for family was worse than abandoning and condemning family, then that might lead to the kid being disillusioned with the lack of support from the society. But otherwise, I surely hope that the kid was raised well enough to see that their mom did her best for them.
Are you serious? Teens massively judge everyone about everything. They especially judge their parents
Of course they will in stable families, especially with religious upbringing, but it’s way less likely when they grow up with a single parent who has to do things they dislike to keep their kids fed and clothed.
An interesting hypothesis. I could potentially believe that, but I’d need some non-anecdote evidence before i do. I can imagine it being true, but i can also imagine it being false
I was not aware of previous post history.
One; people doing non-damaging things to help their kids and them survive should never be shameful in any society. If it means they need to damage themselves in the process of survival for their kids there is way more wrong in their community and society than there should be.
Two; people doing fun stuff for themselves for kinks and jollies as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone or place them in weird circumstances or is like meh, let them be embarrassing.
Three; people doing weird shit that hurts their kids or other people mentally, physically or otherwise … fuck you.
Four: fuck trolls that try to justify CSAM or exposure.
Did you mean to reply to a different comment?
