I prefer web over app. I tried a site which was said to be free. signup was fine so i started to use the site only to realise to see my matches or start chats i had to pay for a “premium” account or something. that really annoys me and it’s a waste of my time so does anyone know any good dating sites which are actually free, as in i don’t have to pay to use the site for what it should be used for? thx in advance 👍
oh and I’m looking for men, forgot to specify lol
I hate to say this but there are still interesting people on Reddit.
It’s called outside!
Joking aside, its fundamentally unlikely as if you’re not paying you’re the product and maintaining a dating network is a lot of work both in admin tasks, technical tasks and legal tasks.
Im a 40m divorcee and I am absolutely out of my depth thinking about dating.
I have looked at the apps and sites and they never go anywhere for me. No matches or conversations that go no where.
I sort of think that meeting someone will happen when it happens, but I really miss that excitement of learning all about someone and talking all night.
Im also interested in meeting someone outside of my country, because Id love to experience something new, but that makes me look like a scammer.
May the chances be in your favor, brother. 🤝
A similar question was asked about 2 weeks ago; I was going to link to that but it was since deleted; so here’s a copy & paste of my reply instead. Note payment wasn’t raised in that discussion; my response to that would be: is potentially meeting people interested in dating you worth the fee (to me that answer was yes)? If a service provides value to me I’m happy to pay a reasonable amount.
A lot of negative comments. I went through a divorce last year (male, mid 40s), and used dating apps when I was ready to start meeting people. I was apprehensive going in but ended up shocked by how positive the results were. After a week or two I would have several matches and pause searching while I talked with those and planned in-person meetings. Most profiles you’ll never get a reply. Of those you match again, half likely never respond to initial introductions / questions. But, if you live in a major metro area there’s still plenty of people looking for relationships if you’re willing to filter through that. I’m now happily in a relationship for the past few months so I’ve stopped using these apps.
I tried 3: eHarmony, hinge, and bumble. Here’s my feedback from best to worse.
Hinge: encourages discussion as an initial match prompt. I met the most people on this app and many matches led to in person dates. Met the person I’m currently dating seriously on here.
Bumble: costs money to send a comment / question, free to “just swipe”. Kept showing me profiles for people currently within my search distance, but who have listed another major city as their home (I guess they’re connecting through the airport and on the app?). Went on multiple dates with matches, fewer than hinge.
eHarmony: where I originally met my previous wife ~20 years ago. Now had the fewest matches and worst experience (and highest cost). I stopped checking this one after about a month. Went on only 1 date.
Feedback from my matches about the app: many men are using it to find people to cheat with / aren’t serious about a relationship. All of them told me actually holding a conversation on the app put me in the “top tier” of their matches. Many shared that matches just gave super short answers then asked for a phone number. Several noted that half the time they shared a number they almost immediately received dick pics. Multiple said matches tried to get them into crypto (?!?!).
For me (busy work schedule, and still spend half my time with kids) the experience was far better than any dates friends or co workers suggested. The profiles are not super deep… Yes everyone loves live music, travel, and The Office. I wanted to connect over something more specific than that. At least the people you match with are also looking for a relationship. Meeting people through my hobbies at 40+ most are in long term relationships or not interested in starting one. The apps are largely superficial… Half the first dates I went on one or both of us decided not to have a second date. Which is honestly expected… Even after filtering through the profiles and messaging in app you still only know the basics for most people.
For you specifically: many matches took issue with the recent timing of my divorce. If you’re separated (not divorced) expect that to be a deal breaker for many.
From my understanding (and experience) dating apps/online dating in general is dead, fucked up beyond repair by capitalism, toxic incels, predators, scammers, crooks and most recently AI. No technology can possibly survive such an onslaught and most of them wouldn’t profit from doing so. They have a financial incentive to attract repeat customers.
In person meeting and dating should be the obvious alternative, but apparently nobody goes out socializing anymore since COVID and nobody can afford hobbies because of the economy and chronic social malaise and terminal online doomscrolling has broken people’s ability to form human connection anyway so I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly.
If there is a useful option I’d love to know what it is too.
dating apps/online dating in general is dead, fucked up beyond repair by capitalism, toxic incels, predators, scammers, crooks and most recently AI. No technology can possibly survive such an onslaught and most of them wouldn’t profit from doing so. They have a financial incentive to attract repeat customers
Thank you for writing exactly what I was thinking.
I heard that Japan is starting to implement a government sponsored/made matchmaking app. The core advantage is that the intention of the platform is to actually match people and make people have babies. Plus, if someone is being naughty, the penalties can be much higher than a simple account ban.
I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly.
Probably for the best…
My coworker met someone on Hinge, I think it was, just a year ago and they’re moving in together.
Not trying to say it’s easy but I don’t think it’s useless.
You can always find outliers. That doesn’t mean playing the loto isn’t useless.
A friend of mine also found their long-term partner on Hinge. Dating apps are kinda dead, but if you’re looking for something other than hookups, it seems like Hinge is one of the better options.
I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly
Someone’s probably trying to stop that already, in a way. Low(er) sentences for rape and abortion bans. Maybe will be followed by something else, like decreasing age of consent. Or banning things like hysterectomy, salpingectomy, vasectomy.
All the good solutions /sGo to protests. Meet cool people.
Yeah you can’t really talk though.
Meet unemployed people.
I’ve been to protests. I’m employed.
I have also been to a few protests while employed. I have organized protests and got laid by activists while unemployed.
DaveCat has it right.
Honestly, apps (web included) in 2025 are just profit farming. It will be hard to get anything substantial from the experience.
Best suggestion is avoid OLD and just meet people in person. Get a hobby and attend things and eventually you will find like minded people.
Things like rock climbing, board games, cycling, etc. Hobbies that have places you go to and do a thing.
Sorry I don’t have any better suggestions 🤷♂️
Heck, are there dating sites that work at all anymore? Over a decade ago I had some success with OkCupid but my impression is that ever since swipe apps became a thing, online dating went from bad to terrible for everyone except gay men looking for hookups. Now I might have to go low-tech and ask my grandma to introduce me to her friends’ single granddaughters…
Ugh, the “swipe” is the worst feature for every company to jump on. I get paralyzed between, “What if they just took a bad picture? I don’t know enough about them and dismissing them for a bad photo could mean missing out,” and “What if I’m swiping right on a creep and don’t realize it? Now they’ll know my picture, my name, where I live, and they’ll think I’m definitely interested.”
I haven’t used it in a couple years, but I did meet my current boyfriend on OK Cupid. I’m poly, and I met my girlfriend last year on a queer dating/social app called Lex. The cool thing with Lex is that it’s text-based, originally modeled off of old newspaper classified ads. You get to know people through them voicing their thoughts and asking original questions. No pressure to “swipe or get off the pot,” you can get to know someone through comments on posts before sending a message. It’s a smaller community (as expected for queer folk) so I don’t know how popular it is outside of highly populated areas. It’s not for everyone, but if you’re in the LGBTQ+ community and sick of being forced to make snap-judgements about strangers who might end up being a massive part of your life, it’s a relief.
If any work it’s a bug. “Dating” apps don’t want to be dating apps, they want to be hookup apps because that’s how they can keep repeat customers. The only way dating apps would remain dating apps under for profit companies is if they found a way to charge a subscription for long term relationships.
Orrrrrr, alternative option…how about we go watch fireworks tomorrow? It’ll be a date. We’ll grab some food, and then go see the new Jurassic Park movie, and then go see the fireworks!
Uhhhhh, just be in Cleveland tomorrow at 5pm. Just, anywhere in Cleveland. I’ll find you by roaming the city and yelling “YOU SINGLE??? HEY!!! YOU SINGLE???” at every woman I see on the street. I’m sure I’ll find you EVENTUALLY!
Just don’t stop in East Cleveland. That is a seperate city, and we in Cleveland don’t recognize them as anything more than an active war zone. You WILL die if you stop there.
Soooooo, what are you thinking? Drinks? Yay or nay? Aw who am I kidding??? OBVIOUSLY we’re going to drink!!! This city is BUILT on alcoholics!!!
…wha? Where are you going??? Come back!!! I haven’t even shown you our massive free stamp!!! Thats not a penis euphanism! We really do have a massive free stamp here!
what
It’s called flirting, and I’m quite good at it! Who could resist the Cleveland perogis? Again, not a sex euphanism. We have a strong polish population, and thus perogis are popular here.
Just don’t drop your Cleveland pierogis through a Chicago sunroof.
Cool free stamp!
I’m sure there are some out there. But they won’t be any good.
Tinder, Hinge, Bumble. That’s what people are on. Maybe there is something else popular in your area - ask your friends. If you try to go somewhere else (unless you are trying to fit a specific niche like being gay or kinky or a farmer) then you will miss out on most of the online dating market. And spoiler: it will be the good part you are missing out on. The guys you want to match with aren’t making accounts on “random dating app lolz”, because there is no one there so it is a waste of time.
As someone who used them for over a decade before giving up, I can assure you that dating websites are a complete and utter waste of time. You can’t even get a conversation started, let alone a date.
I highly recommend you do it the natural way: if you see someone you like, ask them out. You are a woman so this is extremely easy for you. Most men can’t even say “hi” to a woman in public, because there are so many shitty men out there harassing women that the good guys don’t even get a chance. So we’re often afraid to say anything because we don’t want women to assume that we’re one of them.You don’t have this problem, so ask away. You’d be surprised by how easily guys will say “yes”.
Great question. Tried the paid thing (38f). Lots of decent (superficially) matches, none of whom shared my values or interest. It was a huge waste of money across apps.
What differentiates a dating site from something like Lemmy? The secret matching algorithm?
You could definitely use lemmy for dating if you wanted to. But dating apps offer eg. geographic filtering and (at least should!) do a much better job of guiding users to make meaningful profiles. Lemmy has no need for such.
Alovoa is free and opensource.
Its the only one i know that isn’t out to make money
I looked into this not too long ago. Got them to share their user profile numbers - 50k - but I’ve a strong feeling that the majority of those are dummy test profiles.
I guess mine was. I wanted to try it out, but I’m not willing to give away that much of my privacy to any website so it was pretty useless. There was literally nothing: fill out a form and I guess there are supposed to be emails of responses. I live in a major metropolitan area and never got any, but I refused to give details so that’s not a surprise.
I just thought there’d be something to see before I committed my privacy
Fasch Match is free. Even overwhelmingly loaded with CIS white male options.
I think the way you’re supposed to do it now is to post one of the JD Vance memes into c/196 and try DMing the first person who comments. Rinse and repeat until the desired outcome is achieved.
Germans skip to ich_iel.
