Based out of — where else — Austin, Throne is a bold new startup leveraging AI to revolutionize the way we interact with our toilet.
Am I out if the loop on poop jokes and Austin?
Smart pipe?
They just need to find their own Scout Condor and they’ll have everyone checking the nitrates in their stool.
Not even your shittiest moments will be out of reach for the AI.
I’m honestly surprised they use Bluetooth for profiles. I figured it would scan your asshole and use that as a biometric like your retina.
Okay, the toilet told me now I have a problem, but yet I still don’t have health care that I can afford. This short game fuckboy shit is just getting on my nerves. This is the dumbest country in the world, I swear to God.
It can tell you to eat more fiber.
Most health issues can be solved by better diet and exercise.
You know what else can tell you to eat more fiber?
Paying attention to your shit.
Is it coming out like curry sauce being shot through a hose? Time to eat more fiber!
Is it coming out like a large sausage? You get enough fiber.
This is just another consumerist gimmick, another bullshit thing to get us to buy. More waste inevitably destined for land fill.
There’s possibly medical usage for this, by doctors, in certain scenarios, but there’s no reason for the general consumer to require this beyond capitalism and consumerism.
I wish it were that simple. I eat a ton of fiber and my shit has been like curry sauce for 6 months :(
Ooft, I think you’re in need of a GP in that case, not an AI toilet.
I hope you feel better soon 🤞
Poomaster 5000 will determine your level of productivity from your crap! Think how that will benefit your betters!
fucking gay woke ai telling to eat more vegetables
Shit’s gett’n creeeepyyy
Reverse digestion extrapolation!
AI and turds are redundant, btw.
The billions spent chasing these unicorns could be so much better used to lift communities out of poverty and give clean water and housing to thousands. Our priorities are fucked.
We already have the technology and resources for everyone to live in a post scarcity society.
But everyone doesn’t want to live in a post-scarcity society. Lack of survival challenge leads to mental degradation.
But where are we supposed to find dirt-cheap labor if we eradicate poverty?! Won’t someone think of the shareholders?
And yet…
Where all AIs belong.
What if multiple people use the toilet? Does this device have some sort of poop-id?
Hopefully with a strong passphrase too. I don’t want my step parents to see my poop history when they come over.
Edit: actually, I don’t want to see theirs either D:
what happens if you put a load of your own fresh spoog on each and every fresh experience?
Now these are the AI headlines I dreamed of so many years ago
