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Goddamn, that one got me.
Great work, @theonion.
My friend, Hank Hill will be flipping out. He built a home for Niefko and Alla Lubecki, with a highly virile friend of his, Dale Dribble.
Dale GribbleIt’s very disrespectful to mention his real name on the internet… He’s Rusty Shackleford. I would expect someone with your username to avoid such a mistake!
In 2045 at the age of 103, Mitch McConnell somehow returns
As president
He would. The old bastard.
At press time, McConnell planned to expound on his malevolent personal endeavors in the forthcoming memoir, “Human Impediment: Tales of a Worthless Life, Soon Forgotten.”
Absolutely savage. Hopefully it’s also topical
Sounds like what his epitaph should read, and have it used as a public urinal.