Putting on big muscles is for the boys, real girls don’t actually like it.
Plus of course if you don’t put on stupid amounts of muscle you retain the ability to scratch your own nose. Seriously some of the guys at the gym, watching them try their names is a site to behold. The ideal body shape is not the Hulk
I don’t know what real means anymore
In this case real means not emotionally stunted.
How depressing
Same with beards. You’ll get a lot of attention with a nice beard, but not many girls perse
I will say as a trans chick who used to have a denial beard, women did love it, but that’s because I conditioned it. I got so many comments about how they wished more beards were that soft.
Mind you, I also followed rules 1 and 2
Mind you, I also followed rules 1 and 2
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A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
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A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
?
Rule 1: be attractive Rule 2: don’t be unattractive
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Beards are for for your wife, not for meeting girls.
Married men know what I’m talking about.
Amen, same with watches and motorcycles and revving your car
I was out with my friends once in my early twenties, drunk at the limit between “flying high on wings of booze” and “incoherent mass of sick and confusion.”
There was this girl who kept catching my eye every time I saw her out and about, and this time she happened to be at the same dive as us. I finally decided to try talking to her, so I kinda’ awkwardly accosted her at the bar and I think I started pulling my “over-the-top intellectual” bit for a laugh.
Somehow, it worked! We kept chatting (she was buzzed but significantly more sober than I was), we kept laughing, then she asked me to accompany her on an ATM trip after a while. Now, I’d completely lost my capacity for reading between the lines at this point, so I just took it as a generic action. About midway through the trip, she started pulling in very close to me, my current guess being that she had intended to try smooching. My drunk brain thought “oh, she must be feeling the drag, we need to keep her blood pumping.” So I called a race, last one to the ATM is a rotten egg.
Again, surprisingly, she was into it! I could hear her giggling as I was pulling away. I was running like a madman, I could feel my legs moving by themselves. I was a beast, a high-performance machine, a force of nature! Almost started congratulating myself for being such an irresistible hunk, when suddenly I could feel the curb grabbing my left foot. I plunged forward, but luckily my stage fighting reflexes kicked in and I completely unexpectedly started doing landing rolls. I literally rolled the rest of the way to the ATM - about 4-5 meters, not kidding, I’d picked up some serious speed while galloping like a horse on coke. She won and was laughing her ass off, the alcohol inside me had been angered and my brain was oatmeal.
I don’t remember many details after that. What I will say, though, is that it worked! Also, that I never again tried wooing or racing anyone while drunk.
So the curb (being a metaphor for mankind) caught your leg (a metaphor for the undertaker), and plunged you towards an ATM (colloquially referred to as “an announcers table” in some circles). A bit cryptic but I got it.
I was waiting for this to be a setup and you get mugged to withdraw from your ATM. Glad it turned out better lol.
This is what I visit Lemmy for
Ah, I remember being this age. Thanks for the story, it took me to a really special place.
Well how’d it work out after that
Woke up at hers with a splitting headache and profound nausea (nothing happened, because obviously nothing would happen, I was as close to Wasted as possible), after that things didn’t really go anywhere. Nothing dramatic, she was lovely, we just didn’t match.
Unexpectedly sweet? I kept waiting for it to turn bad and it never did. Cute!
In high school I had a crush on this girl who had something on her Facebook about really liking gummy worms. I read that, thought “this is my in” so I bought a bag of gummy worms. Honestly, not a bad plan. Next time I saw her, I pulled out my bag of gummy worms and ate a couple.
Did I offer her a gummy worm? No. I was under the impression that she’d see me eating them and say “hey, you like gummy worms too?” And then we’d start chatting and [something] and then we’d start going out.
And theeeeennnn…?
He developed a gummy worm addiction and became morbidly obese, leaving the work force and receiving a disability pension.
Nature is fine with failure, it is expected.
We continued to be friendly acquaintances because I never actually made a move 🤷♂️
Awwww damn…
I went through my girlfrriend’s cashier lane at the grocery store for 3 years before fingering out how to get her number without not being just another dick rolling through when she has an endless supply to choose from. Turned out she had been waiting the entire time for something to happen
And everyone tells me I’d be an asshole for asking a girl out while she’s at work. Well don’t keep us in suspense man, story time.
That’s why you follow her when she leaves work and ask her out on the way home. She’s not at work then so it’s okay.
Never gets old
You’re already messaging them. Why must you need to message them on Snapchat?
To send nudes
Send them through the imessage then. At least it’s kind of e2ee if both sides set them up correctly
I never tried to impress women at the gym when I was single. I go to the gym to focus on self improvement. I do not like talking to other people when I’m there. I do not like looking at other people when I’m there. I also know that women at the gym mostly loathe men trying to pick them up there. So basically if you’re at the gym you’re a dude to me. And if you’re a dude don’t talk to me.
Confirmation that the term dude means men as well as women
Always did. Dude just means “city folk.” Hence the Dude Ranches that were popular in the early to mid 20th century
I’ve always used dude as a gender neutral term. I call my wife dude.
I only fuck dudes
Hell yeah dude
You only fuck Cruxifux’s wife?
Me too.
At least someone does
This seems like something they should probably see a therapist about? That doesn’t seem like the behavior of a healthy mind.
Well it is 4chan.
good point, what am I saying?
well I mean if she left even without notifying staff or anyone that is a pretty clear red flag but then again so is spurting fake blood to get attention. so maybe they would have made a nice match.
I imagine anon just staring down this woman as they puke up blood.
It’s funny this was around the same time as movies like Evil Dead which set the record (till 2020s atleast) for the amount of fake blood used. I guess it was a thing that excited people quite a lot at the time lol
that is a pretty clear red flag
This isn’t a red flag, this is a predictable psychological response:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect
The bystander effect, or bystander apathy, is a social psychological theory that states that individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim in the presence of other people.
Alternatively: op was not a suave and clever as he thought, has very obviously been macking on this woman, looked at her, took a sip from his gym sippy cup, spat red shit on the floor at her feet and then stared at her.
I’d fucken run too
They both dodged bullets.
I want a version of that appropriate/inappropriate meme but with the guys coughing up blood and both pictures labeled “inappropriate”.
Don’t let your memes be dreams
Charlie’s got a touch of the consumption.
He’s been poisoned by his constituents
10/10 game
The correct assumption when you see frank red blood on exertion is either lung injury/infection/cancer or terminal alcoholism. It’s usually the later.
Leaving Las Vegas.
Latter*
Also, don’t forget the ever fun Mallory-Weiss tears if your sudden exertion involves something like jumping, or, since it’s also associated with heavy alcoholism, after a long and good barfing session.
We really are a unique animal aren’t we?
At some point a single male spider started dancing for their lives. Don’t diss innovation.
Look, I’m an autistic fuck who can barely speak to people, but even I’ve never considered coughing up blood as a conversation starter.
When I was like 10 I remember reading advice in a body building magazine that has stuck with me ever since:
“Don’t try to pick up girls, literally or figuratively, at the gym. Women don’t feel sexy when they’re sweating unless they’re already naked.”
And every time I mention the fact that there are no places anymore acceptable to ask a woman out besides the bar (not much of a drinker, also not abstinent) or online (I don’t even social media):
Some dickhead: Just get a hobby bro, go to the gym!
no.
ask them to undress before starting the workout.
got it.
That reminds me April Fools Day is approaching. When I was young I worked in a haunted house where we made blood capsules using Karo syrup, red food dye and put it into empty capsules. I deal with two guys at work that like to get stupid stoned at lunch time
