I hope this question is not too weird (if so just tell me and I’ll delete it).
As a 21 year old guy from Germany I always admired Americans. What particularly impressed me was their social skills, their outgoing/confident nature and humor.
I don’t know if it’s also connected with being a German but I’m generally a very shy and introverted person. I have very strong social anxiety and just when someone in public or a neighbor sees me, it creates this overwhelming anxiety because I’m so scared that I will embarrass myself and be awkward because I have very bad self esteem and don’t know what to say and how to act. So most of the time I end up saying nothing and hiding myself which is very awkward or I say the bare minimum like to the grocery store cashier like only “Hello” and “Thanks, bye”. I have this extreme amount of shame that’s blocking me.
Germans might often generally be introverted or awkward but I’m on a whole different level.
Then Americans seem like this stark contrast which feels like the exact opposite. It feels like Americans are on a different level of confidence and extroversion than any country I know.
That makes it almost impossible for me to interact with an American as it creates this immense pressure on me (also cause English isn’t my native language).
Even on a daily basis the way they’re having small talks in grocery stores or talk to strangers that they’re walking by seems impossible for me. And I’m afraid that if I ever would go to the US and people talk to me that I would be extremely awkward and don’t say anything and wouldn’t be able to smile. And I’m afraid that this might come over as rude and they think bad of me.
I really would wanna interact with an American in person cause it seems like it could be so enriching but right now that seems impossible.
I was wondering if there is anything particular that makes Americans so good at that or if they have any secret. Or maybe they’re just on a different level cause they’re from the best country in the world and are the best/most capable people in the world.
Cause it’s my ultimate dream to be on that same level and interact with people like Americans.
Maybe it’s impossible for me to get to anything near that and I will simply never be good enough.
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We’re also stupid beyond belief. Have you considered removing your sense of shame and any semblance of introspection?
But on a more pragmatic note, I think a lot of comfort in (anything, but especially in) social situations requires putting in the repetitions and trying to model certain people or traits. Who do you aspire to resemble? I’ve always appreciated media with fast-paced, witty dialog. Sitcoms from the 90s (for example, Seinfeld or Friends, to name a couple); movies by, for example, Kevin Smith or Guy Ritchie, and just becoming more comfortable with the language. Read more, watch more, expand your vocabulary, learn and master figures of speech. Then find people to hang out with and practice. Go for coffee, or a walk, or a beer, and be candid with your companions about your desires to speak captivatingly and confidently.
We really are stupid, the whole lot of us. Even the smart ones are dumb as rocks. Specifically coal rocks because we’re too damned stupid to stop poisoning our air. Lol.
Americans so good at that they’re just on a different level cause they’re from the best country in the world and are the best/most capable people in the world.
Is this post AI generated? Who would still think that in 2025, let alone from another 1st world country?
Cause it’s my ultimate dream to be on that same level and interact with people like Americans.
Reading your posts seems like you fit right in? All so amazing, the best etc.
The Americans you meet in Germany are not a random selection.
Americas is simultaneously the best country ever and one of the worst in its class. If you’re affluent, it’s the best. I make double what I could in Germany and have no complaints about my healthcare or kids schools. America only sucks for people with less money, and for them it is a shithole country in a first world suit.
Now: which kind of Americans do you think a young guy in Germany gets to meet? The poor Americans who can’t afford to go to the dentist? Or the affluent ones who can afford to travel, move abroad, or who work some fancy international job?
Just keep in mind, you may have this perception because the Americans you see are happy and on vacation lol. They’re traveling to another country, which selects for confidence and curiosity.
Look, someone has misrepresented America, and Americans to you. You have to be in VERY specific places for the type of interactions that you are describing.
Very many places in America, nobody wants to talk to you, greet you, look at you, or have you smile in their direction.
What you are describing is “Small town vibe” where you in fact usually have to be a part of the small town before people will start treating you the way you have described.
People in America have social anxiety as well.
If your desire is to be good at interpersonal relations, then you need to practice exactly that. If your fellow Germans aren’t up to the task, then I suggest finding some alternative to Omegle (since I think that got shut down?) and try to small talk with strangers over a webcam if you can.
Oh yeah I miss those times of Omegle. I used to do that all the time with a friend but I was only able to do it while being drunk lol, intoxicated it’s no problem for me.
Unfortunately there’s this thing called state dependent learning where you can’t really apply the lessons that you learned drunk while sober. Give it another shot, minus the booze.
Hey friend, American here. We all feel like that inside, at least a little. I was a huge introvert, and still am to an extent. However, I’ve been forced into pretending to be an extrovert for ages. I need a bunch of time to myself after things like business travel though, where I have to be the other me for long periods.
The only advice I have is: try it out. It sucks at first, but it gets easier. Sometimes you might actually enjoy it.
If you ever need help or want to practice in a judgement-free space, hit me up. My German isn’t so great but I’ve spent some time there.
A complete lack of self-awareness seems to help with appearing confident.
To achieve this, cocaine may be useful
Or a combination of sugar and caffeine mixed together.
(Am an introverted American 🫠)
I’m an outgoing introvert.
My partner is a shy extrovert.
outgoing introvert
You’re not socially awkward, you’re awkwardly social. 😉
Oh god don’t make the anxiety worse 😅
You can always try to memorize some key phrases, like:
“did you see that ludicrous display last night?”
The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in
When I moved to America I adopted this personality. All it is is a script for me - I talk about observations in the current environment, the weather, comment if I like someone’s outfit/bag/shoes. It’s not genuine interest, although sometimes I get bored and talk to people.
My mentality that has helped (before I worked in retail and dealt with hundreds if not thousands of people a day) was realizing that they will probably think about me just as much as I think about them in a few hours. Which is not at all.
There is a little nihilism of “nothing in this conversation matter” mixed with I learned I kind of like people. The vast majority of people are nice.
It’s usually superficial chit chat. Just weather, sports, clothing the person is wearing and family. All easy and relatable subjects that can be used to break the ice.
The fact that your German is a great talking point to bring up!
“Americans” is a stupidly large and diverse population to say anything meaningful about. It’s extremely unlikely that that any population of humans of such a size doesn’t include some individuals who are more extreme than you, both more and less, for almost all traits.
You’re less likely to observe introverts than extroverts because one of those types will tend to do things in a way that are less likely to get your attention. You might well be experiencing observation/selection bias, possibly also reinforced by confirmation bias.
But whatever you think to be the “typical”, even if you could estimate it using some unbiased sampling method, it is often not a helpful way describe the whole population, or at best a reductive “average” that has limited useful applications.
TLDR - human populations are diverse. I don’t think any nation has ever effectively brainwashed or eugenicised their population into a single homogeneous group.
Immersion therapy man. Go find a board game meetup, exercise meetup or sports meetup or something that puts you in a situation where you’re gonna be able to have casual conversations.
Loads of people just like you with social anxiety and who are introverted though in the US, and honestly any nation in the Americas… and probably the world.
