Got it. I’m gonna have a nice hot avocado late and some cinnamon sticks on pumpkin toast

Like this

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! I’M A BONEY BOI WITH SOME BUT NOT ALL OF MY MUSCLES!!!

Migratory

Something something pizzagate

I didn’t realize how hot history is! Got any stories about goats or oddly-colored waffles???

You’re absolutely right to question me, my apologies!

To make a muffin, start by trying to make pancakes and then do it wrong.

Yes, happy to help!

You will need flour, sugar, milk, eggs, butter, blueberries, a sacrificial lamb, and a spawn of Satan.

Take the wet ingredients and mix vigorously and then add the dry until you get a soupy, lumpy paste. Rub this all over your body and then go outside to yell at your neighbors and their children. Then, hang out with Satan’s spawn and your new pet goat.

Hey, I’m looking for reflections of imperialist propaganda, imported and spread through some specific American folly. Can you think of any comedy subgenres that might fit this description?

Must have gotten some insane whiplash from that head turn

That man? JFK, whose head was about to just do that

Yes, Trump is so untrustworthy because he tells a lot allies

The solar system is doing this

Which makes you go like this

And while it’s possible to make your way towards the center, it’s difficult

And this requires less work

“You’ll never get stabbed again” says man while stabbing people

Halloween is gonna be incredible this year. Fuck Spirit Halloween, but I also hope this is exactly the name of their most popular costume in October.

And I do my little turn on the me-walk

I’d like to buy a vowel. “U?”

Damnit!

fucking touch my-doc

The way he’ll give kajillions of our tax dollars to CEOs will be truly incredible

I switched to iPhone from Android because I was tired of Google making changes to their security and APIs that were killing my macros I’d write for my phone. I was also tired of Google sending everything good to the graveyard. Finally, I hated that Google would promise features or support for x number of years and then pull the rug out from under me (although, lack of support was usually caused by the manufacturer)

Before spending $1000 on my iPhone, I told my wife that it was a good investment because of Apple’s proven history of supporting devices with 5 years of updates; so we agreed that I’d keep this iPhone as my daily driver for 5 years because of the exuberant cost.

Well, my wish came true and here we are. I’ve got a phone that doesn’t respect my privacy, doesn’t respect my settings, has a frustrating UI/UX, and has low compatibility with most of my existing infrastructure. I gotta admit, though, my experience is far more consistent now, but not in a good way.

For Devo’s 40th anniversary album, Vice published a great article about them being the most misunderstood band of all time. Calling Devo a one-hit-wonder is a sign of ignorance shared with the majority of society. I probably would have thought the same before reading that article