had an interaction that strongly indicated OP may be an alt of some kind themself. something shady about a one month old account making posts like this.

good thing it wasn’t (source: i was the third party recipient of those shared DMs; they were fully irrelevant to admin/mod action, abusive or otherwise)

Careful not to mythologize the characters of people who have just hurt others.

With 100+ comments already this is probably a message delivered too late, but if you are reading this be aware that comments here that digress away from simply keeping history into ogling and ridiculing serve only to feed the needs of a user who already has alt accounts drifting in as we speak.

donkey doesn’t tie into any fairytales

The donkey, therefore, was brought up and grew bigger, and his ears grew up beautifully high and straight. He was, however, of a merry disposition, jumped about, played and had especial pleasure in music, so that he went to a celebrated musician and said, “Teach me thine art, that I may play the lute as well as thou dost.” (The Donkey by the Brothers Grimm)

It costs $0 to lie on the internet, reminder.

Cherry picking is an accusation of bad faith arguing, and people will interpret it that way regardless of your intent.

yup. thank you.

Hey, starting over here:
You’re welcome in my corner, homie! I want to approach this with good faith, but I need to address some things because your earlier approach made me deeply uncomfortable. I hope we can work toward mutual understanding, but I also need to set a few boundaries going forward:

1. Please don’t call someone sharing personal experiences “cherry picking.” I’m sharing my stories of sexual and gender-based harassment, which are deeply personal and reflect my lived reality. Using that term minimizes the seriousness of these experiences. Even if you didn’t mean it that way, it’s a loaded phrase—so let’s leave it behind.
2. Respect someone’s boundaries when it comes to DMs. Messaging me directly after I’ve logged off or expressed discomfort felt invasive. Going forward, please keep the conversation to where it started unless I explicitly invite a DM.
3. Avoid labeling someone as “lacking in empathy” because they’re uncomfortable engaging. It’s fine to feel hurt or frustrated, but projecting that onto me was unfair and added to my discomfort.

I’m doing my best to approach this with a blank slate and give you the benefit of the doubt. I don’t hold any ill will toward you, but I need these boundaries respected for us to move forward. If they’re crossed again, I’ll have to block and report. I hope it doesn’t come to that.

dont worry im not alone i have plenty of people in my corner who dont spam me with weird begging behavior when i stop interacting with them

to be clear you seem nice you are just being offputting and weird doing this negging behavior- if this was a real life relationship i would cut ties with you immediately. please chill tf out.

i just don’t want to bud. you ruined all the good i could have gotten from this conversation before it even started.

This situation seems to have spiraled a bit—I logged off for a few hours and came back to a bunch of DMs from you.

I want to make it clear that I don’t have any hard feelings toward you. However, this conversation has reached a point where it’s no longer productive.

You wouldn’t go to the comments of a person of color as they share their experiences and feelings about racism and say, “I only ever see cherry-picked examples like you have here.” But that’s essentially what you said to me about gender-based abuse. That kind of comment is: a) dismissive and encourages others to doubt the stories of victims, and b) a conversation-ender.

What you communicated to me is that my lived experience isn’t enough for you. As someone with a normal life and not a researcher, I have no way to provide the additional “data” you seem to require.

Yeah okay thanks i guess it just comes off really not nice for you to say that.

if you posted a list of the worst incidents in your experience of abuse, i truly doubt you would love my response to be calling you a cherry picker. even if you don’t mean it, it looks like siding with the abuser. it’s NOT cherry picking to tell my literal own damn story of what i deal with. if you truly mean differently, maybe choose different words

these aren’t cherry picked? these are quite normal—that’s why i started collecting them because they were so easy to find.

i respect your expression of experience of not having been on the receiving end of this that much—i will thank you to respect mine!

relevant discussions:

• !lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world true colors: https://lemmy.cafe/post/10574267
• incredible find: https://lemmy.cafe/post/10217719
• epic ratio: https://lemmy.cafe/post/9597634
• lemmy is a worse platform for women than reddit was: https://lemmy.cafe/post/4821164

this issue of such a massive proportion can only be solved with intention—it’s not getting fixed by accident. recognizing the problem is the first step.

that key word there—policy—is so important and not to be ignored

Absolutely agree. You and your team do not have issue with transgender identities—yet you do take issue with Ada’s policies surrounding dignity in transgender identities.

If you feel any of my post is inappropriately targeted at your personal beliefs rather than your attitudes towards policy, you may absolutely let me know or suggest a better wording. I never intend to skew the truth, but I also feel a duty to my fellow community members to accurately portray why your team does not align with 196’s wills and needs.

Yall wonder why the desktop Linux community hasn’t grown as much as you wish and then upvote stuff like this

The constant superiority struggles do nothing but alienate most computer users

and herein lies the inherent contradiction of misogynistic objectification 😞😞

woman who sleep with men are sluts. women who won’t sleep with me? also sluts.

anon was almost fine till the slut shaming bit. it’s totally valid to have boundaries around smoking and alcohol, especially underage where those are significantly notable red flags.

even rationalizing one’s feelings is a pretty healthy thing to do. far better to acknowledge that the pretty girl had flaws than to pedastal her and pine after an idealized version of her for the rest of his life because that’s just a recipe for depression and self hate.

that said, her sexual history was none of anon’s business, and the fact that he doesn’t even seem sure about it while being willing to judge her character over it speaks volumes.

i hope anon is doing alright and has learned confidence in himself. also hope his relationship with women’s sexuality can improve cuz yikes.