I mean look I hate to say it but Imaginary Pete Hegseth’s got a point. Y’all actually read these steps? Step 2 is just “decide to do Step 3”, Step 5 is just Step 1 again but louder, Step 6 is “get ready to do Step 7”, Step 8 is “make a list of all the stuff you have to do for Step 9”, Step 10 is just “Keep doing Step 4”, and then Steps 11 and 12 don’t matter because Step 10 is an endless loop. How many innocent Americans (and Pete) are we gonna leave trapped on Step 10 before someone finally does something?

“Well I was trying to add Jeff Goldblum and your names are obviously right next to each other in my phone, so…”

Hell, it’s not even any of the things the Internet has taken to calling “gaslighting,” most which aren’t gaslighting either. It’s just reverse psychology.

and then the doctor says “I can’t operate on this wizard… he’s my son!!”

“Sometimes, late at night, when I can’t sleep, and it’s just me, alone with my thoughts… I just… I can’t help but feel… I should’ve called it Pear.”

He died as he lived, trying to beat PC with Apple.

I assume it’s in reference to the 1938 radio adaptation of the novel The War of the Worlds, which was framed as though it were a legitimate news broadcast being periodically interrupted by reports of an alien invasion. What we might consider “found footage”-style nowadays if there had been, you know, actual footage. Story goes that a non-zero number of people didn’t get the memo that it was a radio play and thought Martians were actually invading.