You don’t “confirm” it. It’s an attempt to describe a system/outcome. It’s a model of a system, not the system itself and no model is perfect, because all models are our attempt to understand and describe things, and there is no such thing as perfect understanding.

However, it’s a highly accurate model, that explains things very well. So, either we will find that one day, we make a brand new, better model (this seems unlikely given the accuracy of the current model, but possible). Or, more likely, we continue to come to a better understanding of the system, and improve the model we use to describe it.

I think this thread of replies largely denying it happens, or arguing as for why there’s a good reason that it happens should give you an idea why the issue happens in the first place.

I’m panromantic, but attracted to men, however I only date women and gender diverse folk on that end of the gender spectrum. My partner is a woman :)

I’m not the OP, but their question was pretty much describing me.

For me, it’s about intimacy. I value intimacy. Hugging, kissing, touching, holding hands, sharing moments, laying on the couch together watching TV etc. Those are things that I don’t do with my friends, and aren’t things that I’m looking for from my friends.

Asexual folk have developed language that talks about the way they navigate similar situations. Sex averse, sex neutral and sex positive. So even though I’m not ace, the terms apply in a similar way to my relationships. Using these terms, I would describe myself as sex neutral. Which is to say that I don’t seek it out, and I don’t miss it. Yet, it’s also a very strong form of intimacy, which I value a great deal, and as an expression of intimacy, it’s very much something I’m happy to share with my partner.

That’s pretty much me. I don’t really have a name for it. I just call myself queer, or sometimes panromantic.

drag has stated that drag accepts they/them as well.

You got your comments removed for misgendering. Your mod log history is right there

I’m referring to a trans person using the attack helicopter slur as an act of empowerment and reclamation, and getting turned on by the community for it.

The point being that she looked like a troll to many people, and was attacked for it, but she was not a troll, and the over the top response did more damage than any troll could have done.

If people cannot understand your experience, it’s not because you are trans and they are cis

Well, it’s not just that. As you say, even trans folk can’t understand other trans folks experience. But that still speaks to my point. Acceptance shouldn’t be gatekept behind understanding

embedding themselves in your community as an “attack helicopter”-

You’d benefit from doing some research on Isabel Fall.

without understanding that people can and will take advantage of this

Normalising the idea that only well behaved trans folk deserve to have their identity respected hurts the trans community far more than the actions of a theoretical troll slipping through the cracks occasionally.

can say that I identify as a 1972 Trans Am and demand that people cal me PontiacFucker and you will have to defend me against those that would accuse me of being disingenuous…. Right?

Yep. I’d also ban you for trolling at the same time however, because your actions would make it clear that your goal here is to stir up drama in response to a moderation approach you don’t agree with.

Let’s say a troll comes along and uses neopronouns to undermine trans rights.

If your response to that is “You’re a troll, I don’t give a fuck about your pronouns”, then you’ve given the troll exactly the thing they’re trying to achieve, whilst also telling any trans people reading your posts that you only think their identity applies as long as they’re well behaved. Which is to say, you don’t hurt the troll, but actively encourage them, whilst also hurting the acceptance of gender diverse folk.

The only correct response to a troll in that scenario is to respect their professed identity, whilst banning them for trolling. Respecting someone’s identity isn’t a green light for ignoring anything else they do. But it sure is easy to conflate if you want to stir up a bit of drama at the trans communities expense.

The policy came from me. It’s an instance level policy that you were never banned for.

I did remove some of your comments, and I will do that again if I become aware of misgendering, even if it’s accidental. But it didn’t get you banned then, and unless you start deliberately misgendering folk, it won’t get you banned now either.

I’m an instance admin. I don’t issue community bans. I issue instance bans. If someone community banned you, it wasn’t me.

I’m trans. Cis people literally can never truly understand my experience or why the things that are important to me are important. Acceptance can’t be contingent on understanding they can never have.

Neopronouns are the same. You can work on your own understanding to reduce your discomfort but your discomfort should be your problem, not something you get to force on to others

Your comments were removed. You aren’t instance banned

Was it dismissing or just not understanding?

Some folk require understanding before they offer acceptance. Those folk will frame it as “just not understanding”. I frame that as lack of acceptance. Acceptance isn’t contingent on understanding. You or I not understanding an aspect of someone elses identity has nothing to do with the validity of their identity.

If you wish to ask someone questions about their pronouns and identity, you’re welcome to do so, but remember they don’t owe you an answer, and whether they offer you an answer or not, and whether you understand their perspective or not, either way, gatekeeping and invalidating their identity is not on.

they are so uncomfortable to use that it just makes me not want to address someone who uses them

That was the other option I offered folk. If someone has stated their pronouns, either use them, or if you can’t bring yourself to use them, don’t engage with the person.

If the person is trolling, report them. But even if they’re trolling, the above statement still stands. Respect their pronouns or don’t engage with them as you report them.

That’s an instance ban. Instance bans automatically issue community bans for local communities the user has been active in.

No one was banned for not rembering drags pronouns or for accidentally getting them wrong.

People were banned for dismissing the validity of neopronouns or for deliberately and repeatedly getting pronouns wrong.

Blahaj.zone has disabled downvotes, so at least that part can’t be weaponised against folk on our instance.

As for the rest of it, yeah, lemmy is better than reddit, but it did get a lot of users from reddit, so its still closer to reddit culture than I’d like. But, it’s also got a lot of better aspects than reddit ever did, and hopefully that trend will continue

They very much are…