I’d like to urinate from my thumbs at will.

Exactly.

I don’t want to eat the grass though.

Not sure what you are talking about exactly. I’m stating this from the perspective of a gardener and forager.

Tldr Mint is invasive.

I once saw an ad looking to hire someone with a BA that knew 3 computer programming languages for $8 an hour.

IQ is stupid. My wife and I are polar opposites. She likes to just kind of relax while I’m obsessed with learning new things. We get along fine. She’s definitely not into linux.