You don’t have to relationship with anyone if you don’t want that, I think your premise is wrong. I had an enjoyable run between long relationships, just very casual, by only going out with guys who said that was all they wanted, I can’t possibly be the only woman who likes those guys.

Now - when I said I was going to date more seriously (meaning I was wrapping up the casual run) I was shocked when most of them said “I’d like to date you” when I figured they were into variety and would NOT want to date anyone. i did not want to date any of them seriously at all. And kind of suspect they didn’t really want to date me either, more like they enjoyed the sex and thought maybe the rest would fall into place somehow?

So if you are doing that, don’t. Find the casual people, keep it casual and when they are ready to jump out, find someone else.

I will say, (and I think this is very usual) a “real” relationship does mean more regular sex. Sure, yes. But you ought not do that until or unless you are ready, and your partner too is ready, and enthusiastic about the idea. If you only see it as giving something up, not gaining more, I don’t think it’s time.

And no, you don’t cleave to each other exclusively! Have friends, go to work, have your own hobbies, be a whole person.

A relationship is more than just a promise or commitment. A relationship is a chance for both participants to grow and challenge each other, while also supporting each other. It also makes your domestic life easier, as each partner only does have the work (in a slightly larger quantity). Relationships are not transactional. Each person gives when they have capacity, and each person receives when they don’t. Strengths and weaknesses cancel out and both are better off together.

It sounds like you’re not currently interested in a relationship. Probably best to be up front about that with your candidates.

Since you’re being upfront with her about it, it’s fine. She’s probably using you in a similar way, easy hookups until she finds something deeper with someone else

It can be a healthy way to have a relationship as long as you’re honest with your partners. Don’t promise them the moon and eternal love. Don’t lie about your intentions. Keep up with STD testing and use protection obviously.

There are people out there looking for friends with benefits and are happy to find a regular partner who respects consent, takes feedback and is a known quantity. There are also aromantic people out there who are happy to have a purely physical relationship. There’s someone for everyone. Finding that kind of relationship might have its challenges but the internet helps with that at least.

Depends on your age to a certain extent. Older men tend to value monogamy more, but we’re also older and looking for a sure thing (if we don’t have it already). Chasing tail, bedding a different young lady every night, sounds fun, but when you need someone to take care of you, it doesn’t really make sense as opposed to a long-term relationship.

If you’re younger though, you got your whole life ahead of you… just be safe. And try to avoid the crazy ones. They deserve love too, but they also take a lot of patience.

Look for a FWB or poly thing.

Relationship doesn’t mean sex.
You can have sex in a relationship, but it’s for you to have a companion, which to not want.

A relationship should never be used as a means to have sex. That will only hurt people. And a relationship is so, so much more than just sex.

Honestly, to me it sounds like you don’t really want a (romantic) relationship in the first place. And that’s completely fine. Don’t try to force something on yourself that you don’t want. That will only hurt your partner and disappoint you. It’s completely fine to just want friends with benefits or one night stands (or both, as long as you’re careful). You do you.

I feel exactly the same way you do. It’s incredibly rare for me to find anyone I’d even consider dating. I’d rather just fuck and go. I’m upfront about what I want and try my best not to lead people on and for the most part it’s worked out well for me. But I’m gay and the beautiful thing about being gay is we’ve figured out we don’t have to conform to heterosexual relationship norms.

I think in the straight community it’s a little more challenging, but not impossibleI think the important thing is so keep your integrity during the process. Respect the people you’re hooking up with, don’t lead them on, and cut them off when you see they might not be able to handle a hookup only situation. That last part sounds cruel but it’s in their best interest.

I’ve been polyamorous (multiple romantic and sexual partners) for over 25 years, has worked great for me.

Don’t they call what you’re looking for “situationships” nowadays?

And if that’s what you want, just be honest about it. The last thing anybody wants is to feel used or to be led on.

Be you, be honest, and be safe!

A relationship will always involve compromise on the details and day to day stuff, but the relationship itself should not feel like a compromise. From the way you are describing it, a relationship is not what you are looking for because a relationship is all of the things other than just the sex that you are interested in.

It really sounds like you want the sex without the effort.

Sounds like you value alone time and independence but also want some sex - even just casual sex. Honestly, I don’t see a problem with that on the surface; just because the norm is committed, heterosexual, monogamous, cisgender, same-race relationships doesn’t mean everyone has to follow that, so long as your boundaries (and theirs) are clear and agreed upon with anyone you get involved with. You may have a hard time finding someone looking for something similar, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong - just different.

The one thing I’d watch for is making sure you don’t see women as a source of sex and that’s it. Not saying you would, but what you describe COULD be a starting point for that kind of mentality, which is not a good place to be.

There are a whole spectrum of nonmonogamous types of relationships out there. Any relationship will have it’s compromise, but what those compromises are is entirely based on you and your partner or partners.

any relationship is, at its core, an agreement.

This is true.

An agreement between two people to spend their time, affection and dedication solely to each other.

This doesn’t have to be. You can agree to something different. Lots of people do. Just be honest about what you want.

I think either can be healthy as long as all parties are happy/agreeing to it.