The more I hear people talk about it who aren’t cis-het men, the more I hear criticism about the concept. But so far, I’ve only heard people say that it’s stupid, that it’s not a thing, that it’s men’s own fault etc. But I’ve yet to understand where that criticism comes from. I don’t want to start a discussion on whether or not it’s real or not. I just want to understand where the critics are coming from.

  • sanpedropeddler@sh.itjust.works
    0·
    2 days ago

    I do think it’s fair to describe it as a men’s issue. Because its usually describing loneliness caused by a disconnect with the image of masculinity you’ve been taught, and that which you actually exhibit. Everyone struggles with loneliness, but this is a specific kind of loneliness that is worth discussing in isolation.

    My main issue with it is how a lot of men seem to think its referring to women not wanting them. It’s a very easy term to feed their persecution complex.

    • al_Kaholic@lemmynsfw.com
      0·
      2 days ago

      Do you think it’s because the are conditioned from birth that being married, or having many successful relationships with woman will make them wealthy and happy?

    • BussyCat@lemmy.world
      0·
      2 days ago

      Can you describe what you mean by “disconnect with the image of masculinity you’ve been taught”

      That is a very interesting statement but does not align with how it’s been described to me which is men can’t get laid and are horny and give up on women and just watch porn

    • Aeao@lemmy.world
      0·
      2 days ago

      I think it’s important to note the incels often mean “the women I think are hot won’t fuck me”

      They could find a girlfriend if they improved their personality or lowered their standards but they don’t want to do that.

        • Aeao@lemmy.world
          0·
          1 day ago

          I’m a recovering drug addict. Nobody wanted to help me, rejected by everyone who wasn’t a recovering drug addict.

          I got out of the loop.

            • Aeao@lemmy.world
              0·
              1 day ago

              “It’s actually good to not receive help as an addict”

              That’s… silly lol. Where did you pull that idea from?

              It’s different because physical addiction is harder to deal with, you can die lol

              I was also homeschooled in the Texas countryside as a kid… I understand being lonely… addiction is harder.

      • sanpedropeddler@sh.itjust.works
        0·
        2 days ago

        I disagree with the sentiment that it can’t be a useful term simply because you haven’t found a peer reviewed study describing the phenomenon. I would like to see more research be done, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m seeing the issue directly in front of my eyes.

    • Mighty@lemmy.worldOP
      0·
      2 days ago

      Ah that last part makes sense as a criticism. Yes, I guess incels have taken this term to defend their sexism