I’m a 42M, my wife is 37. We’ve got a great marriage, super happy, everything’s solid. About a year ago, we met this guy (36M) through some mutual friends, and over time he’s become really close to us. We hang out all the time, meals, weekends, trips, you name it. Lately there have been some running jokes about how we’re basically a throuple already, and those jokes have been getting a little more… not-jokey. For the record, I’m not into guys and neither is he. But honestly, the idea is kind of exciting in a weird way, and I really like having him around, he feels like a best friend at this point. My wife’s also open to it. So yeah… would it be totally nuts to actually explore this?
Opening up your relationship to another is tricky - you have to have immense trust in all involved. Do you trust that this guy isn’t just trying to get your wife? Do you trust that your wife isn’t just trying to get another man in the bed or transitioning over to him? Do you trust yourself to not be jealous when he takes her to bed (or goes on a one-on-one date)? If any of these questions gave you a little twinge of sick in your gut, that means you need to explore that - is it something you can overcome with conversations and agreed limits or is it too deep?
I was in a triad and it took some work to get over my jealousy (which I had in all my previous relationships and was not healthy anyway). However, it was a really rewarding experience - I had a same-gender partner to do things with, being with two people in bed is fun, and when things went bad with one partner, I had another one to emotionally support me and help me work through it before having a conversation with the other.
However, again, you have to trust that everyone has the others’ best interests at heart because there’s definitely the potential for one to try and turn the other against you if they aren’t trustworthy.
Good luck!