I’m a 42M, my wife is 37. We’ve got a great marriage, super happy, everything’s solid. About a year ago, we met this guy (36M) through some mutual friends, and over time he’s become really close to us. We hang out all the time, meals, weekends, trips, you name it. Lately there have been some running jokes about how we’re basically a throuple already, and those jokes have been getting a little more… not-jokey. For the record, I’m not into guys and neither is he. But honestly, the idea is kind of exciting in a weird way, and I really like having him around, he feels like a best friend at this point. My wife’s also open to it. So yeah… would it be totally nuts to actually explore this?
You should look into polyamory/consensual non-monogamy. What your describing doesn’t have to be seen as some sort of weird perverse thing doomed to failure and return to the status quo. It is a legitimate family structure.
I’ve been in a polyamorous family for almost a decade now. Most of it was three (the sort of v shape you describe) but also with a larger (currently six) non-domestic polycule. I’m not the tip of the v but I love my metamours (word for partners’ partners) as family.
It’s viable. The trick is a gratuitous amount of candid conversation, and a dedication to the family.
With that many people, do you all share resources? Is imagine a six person polycule would be much easier financially if everyone (or at least four of you) have jobs. I’m having a hard time making ends meet with two, and I would imagine the added stability of six would drive down the cost of living. Would be a lot easier to own a large house.
To clarify, by polycule I mean the total chain of romantic relationships. Currently it’s four of us living together, and two more living together as a couple where me and my chosen family member have been dating one of them for years. For most of it, the section living together was three of us, romantically a v but more than that we think of eachother as chosen family.
It definitely helps with financial stability insofar as there’s a lot of buffer when someone is between jobs, but otherwise it’s not all that different. Housing space needs scale with number of people in the family, after all. We’re starting to look in to purchasing a house together, and to an extent the purchasing power of four working professionals helps there, but if we also want kids it means looking at big houses so again it kinda evens out. There’s also an added layer of legal complexity that becomes necessary with home ownership - we don’t have a ready made framework like marriage.
Edit: I realized I didn’t answer your first question. It depends. Not as much as a traditional monogamous married family would - we mostly have separate bank accounts. But we share most of our expenses (even split for ease) and have income-scaled split of rent.