I rarely ever ask. People are either in my sphere or not really. My first gf once told me ‘I could date any girl I wanted so why did I pick her’ and then explained quite a bit about what she meant. I told her the truth, that I could see enormous potential in her that I did not see in other people I encountered, and I really like brown eyed girls. The potential that I see in some other people is what causes them to become something of a curiosity and muse I can chose to explore. This dynamic seems to come together in a mutual interest like dynamic. There are some aspects of life that I am very bad at and the type of person I see great potential within seems to understand my flaws and weaknesses in helpful ways. I don’t have to “ask a person out” in this dynamic. When someone is compatible with me on this level, we just fall into each other’s orbits like an inevitable dance. At that point, any asking is more like a silly formality with little meaning. The hard part comes later because I change and evolve a lot with my interests and dive deeply into each one in ways that shape me greatly. Like in my cycling phase I was on a bike 400+ miles a week, but went from 350 lbs to under 190 lbs and raced. Few people can adapt like that.
Finding someone organically is the best way, for sure. But of course it’s also a numbers game. I believe in love, but not soulmates. Relationships are work in the end. Find someone you want to grow old with. Happy that you’ve stuck to your guns, worked on yourself, and that’s helped you find compatible partners. It’s the right way to approach it, I think.
In high school I would have people ask me out. If you say yes, what a fucking loser you thought I was serious? If you say no, then you’re gay and you should kill yourself. It’s funny because you can see the divide in this thread between people fucked up by high school and people who find getting fucked up by high school unthinkable
There have been times in my life when I would be insecure as well, but with some hindsight I realize that if someone really was going to be an asshole to me in a moment like that, it says a lot more about them than it does me. I lose more by being guarded than by being open. I do remember those times, and my heart hurts for anyone who’s going through the same thing.
The question was rhetorical. You’re a catch. It’s okay to be shy but allowing yourself to be vulnerable is how you find the people who are worth your time.
Bait for embarrassing the person. It depends on the person and context. I was often teased like this by people in school because I was quite susceptible to emotional manipulation. The note is not asking the person out. The note is asking for a reaction to a hypothetical situation without any commitment to actually asking. The intelligent reply is an equally indecisive hypothetical response saying “if you’re uncommitted, so am I, try again” while also protecting from the potential for a trap. Plus if the person does not have the depth to understand the volley, the answer is a solid no.
So what would you say?
I would assume it was bait. I’d respond something like, “Schrödinger’s cat is both alive and dead until you look in the box.”
How’s dating life going?
No one has ever turned me down for a date. You?
Good for you. Definitely had rejections. Sometimes we didn’t match, sometimes I was the asshole (realised after), sometimes they were.
I rarely ever ask. People are either in my sphere or not really. My first gf once told me ‘I could date any girl I wanted so why did I pick her’ and then explained quite a bit about what she meant. I told her the truth, that I could see enormous potential in her that I did not see in other people I encountered, and I really like brown eyed girls. The potential that I see in some other people is what causes them to become something of a curiosity and muse I can chose to explore. This dynamic seems to come together in a mutual interest like dynamic. There are some aspects of life that I am very bad at and the type of person I see great potential within seems to understand my flaws and weaknesses in helpful ways. I don’t have to “ask a person out” in this dynamic. When someone is compatible with me on this level, we just fall into each other’s orbits like an inevitable dance. At that point, any asking is more like a silly formality with little meaning. The hard part comes later because I change and evolve a lot with my interests and dive deeply into each one in ways that shape me greatly. Like in my cycling phase I was on a bike 400+ miles a week, but went from 350 lbs to under 190 lbs and raced. Few people can adapt like that.
Finding someone organically is the best way, for sure. But of course it’s also a numbers game. I believe in love, but not soulmates. Relationships are work in the end. Find someone you want to grow old with. Happy that you’ve stuck to your guns, worked on yourself, and that’s helped you find compatible partners. It’s the right way to approach it, I think.
Bait for what? Perhaps I am simply old, but why is it so unthinkable that a girl would think you are cute?
In high school I would have people ask me out. If you say yes, what a fucking loser you thought I was serious? If you say no, then you’re gay and you should kill yourself. It’s funny because you can see the divide in this thread between people fucked up by high school and people who find getting fucked up by high school unthinkable
I would also assume it was bait, some people are assholes and I’d be insecure in a moment like that
There have been times in my life when I would be insecure as well, but with some hindsight I realize that if someone really was going to be an asshole to me in a moment like that, it says a lot more about them than it does me. I lose more by being guarded than by being open. I do remember those times, and my heart hurts for anyone who’s going through the same thing.
The question was rhetorical. You’re a catch. It’s okay to be shy but allowing yourself to be vulnerable is how you find the people who are worth your time.
Bait for embarrassing the person. It depends on the person and context. I was often teased like this by people in school because I was quite susceptible to emotional manipulation. The note is not asking the person out. The note is asking for a reaction to a hypothetical situation without any commitment to actually asking. The intelligent reply is an equally indecisive hypothetical response saying “if you’re uncommitted, so am I, try again” while also protecting from the potential for a trap. Plus if the person does not have the depth to understand the volley, the answer is a solid no.