Me: I’m not feeling well. Going to take a sick day.

Boss: Ok, feel better.

HR: You need a doctor’s note for the sick time to be approved.

Me: I just feel “blech” and need to rest.

HR: Doesn’t matter. We need a doctor’s note.

Me: [Slugs to urgent care, waits 3 hours to see a doctor]

Doctor: Just go home and rest.

Receptionist: That’ll be $35 for the co-pay.

Me: (twitch)