She’s my…accountant.

I truly believe that the 3D Doritos were the dream of the Egyptians. We have since achieved their vision.

They call it a Sherman because it’s sheer manliness.

This could be us but you clownin.

Randy are you on my side?
“I don’t know! Do you like Northumbria?”
For the last time YES. Ugh. Let’s all wear the same color next time guys.

They’re making a mess out of Mesopotamia.

They should have had one kid with a bassoon.

My wife will just slowly scoot over to me while she’s in blanket cocoon mode and then lean on me.

Hungry with itchy eyes? Deep fried chicken with the sensational flavor of Allegra is here for you.

See the problem is you’re using logic and reason backed up by facts. They need to hear loud buzzwords from talking heads.

I think the problem is we don’t have huge ol crickets that are lobster sized. Otherwise you’d have Red Locust and all you can eat grasshopper legs.

Is this the dog that looks through windows desperately at their ex?