This reminds me of that old story. One, I have tried to live by.
There was an old man with a huge watermelon patch. Every day a group of kids would come over and steal a single watermelon. The old man was furious about the kids stealing his watermelons and devised a plan. He went out and posted a sign in his patch that said “One of these watermelons is poison. KEEP OUT!”
So, a day goes by, and no stolen watermelon. A week goes by no missing watermelons. The old man is just so pleased with himself and his success. But, then he wakes up after about a week and a half and goes to pick some watermelons, and notices that someone has put a smaller sign next to his. He walks over and the smaller sign simply says “Now there’s two”.
Mine goes as follows.
Them: Hello I’m looking for…
Me: Mmmmmmmmm fuck yeah god damn your dick smells so fucking hot.
Them: Excuse me sir???
Me: I said your dick smells fucking hot. You wanna meet up later and get tongue deep in each others ass holes.
Them: :click:
I don’t get many scam calls or bill collectors anymore. The trick is that you ONLY do it when they call you. In other words don’t call them and harass them. If it’s a legit company it might even be illegal for that company to make their employees call someone that sexually harasses their employees. Also if it’s a woman i usually describe the smell of the genitalia. Otherwise it’s the same.
A lot of Indian dudes are homophobic as hell. To add to the awkwardness of the conversation I lower my voice to make it real deep. Then I say each word slowly and breathy. That way I know they hear me and each word kind of hangs there for a second.