My 20’s are mostly a blur because I was semi bedbound because of a heart + neurological condition so I don’t even remember much of what happened. If you ask me what I remember from my 20s most of it is just vague descriptions of hospital appointments. Mentally I’d say I’m at the age I was right before I got really sick, around 20. Despite all the stress my illness caused me everyone says I look 18 or 19. When I say my age people legitimately think I’m trying to prank them. If I put my photo on a dating website along with my age people are going to assume I’m doing a bad job at catfishing. I don’t know what to do. Do I get with a 35 year old guy (which would look weird in public) or date someone a little over my perceived age?
I have male pattern baldness, which I don’t think would work for you quite so well(!), but I can change my apparent age by 10 years by simply putting on a baseball cap. I figure there must be things other people can do that have the same effect. Make-up maybe. Or less of it.
Most people lean into reducing wrinkles and crows feet. Maybe the opposite strategy might be for you.
That said, maybe you don’t need to care about what other people think, and you can just keep doing what you have been doing without resorting to any changes whatsoever. If you look like an adult, and aren’t acting like you’ve been abducted, then people aren’t going to call the police on your potential boyfriends, and that’s all you’d really need to worry about. Let people talk. People are stupid.
Find a person who makes it worth getting out of bed every morning and they feel the same about you. Everything else is crap.
If you still want advice from a stranger on the Internet about dating advice, in your situation I’d probably be looking for people closer to my age than not. But if some 20-22 year old says and does everything that puts a smile on your face, then go for it.
If I had to guess the optimum would be around 26. Not too much younger, and looks not too much older. Good luck haha.
Happy belated birthday! I hope you’re doing better now <3
My suggestion would be to date whoever you like and have a good connection with without worrying how it will be perceived by others.
I will only say that you should probably not that an age, but a person. It’ snot their date of birth we may spend time (maybe eve our live) with , it’s who they are.
Since we’re on the Internet, I should probably make it clear that I mean dating a person of legal age.
Date a 30 yo that looks like they are in their 60s for true shock value.
fuck what other people tell you, follow your heart
Ditto
Why is it 20 or 35 if you are 30, and not, well, 30?
Date someone you like! Just go out with some guys and figure out what you like.
Obviously you find a 35 year old guy who looks to be 18 or 19. Then you can shock people together.
Or the reverse, find an 18/19 year old who looks 35!
I’m a 40yo, and when I play guessing game with people, they say something like “you’re not older than 26”. I just think that I’m probably lucky with genetics , but that doesn’t really change what I do or who I meet with. And I’m emotionally like 21, so it works for me
Worry less about your age, their age and what people think. Focus more on what will make you happy. If you feel like dating someone in their early 20s is not predatory, then go for it. Remember, some 20 year olds will be less mature, too.
Yeah I feel attracted to men in their early to mid twenties, but given my age I’m worried it’ll come off as predatory. It doesn’t feel like there’s up to nearly a decade of difference.
Dating someone in their 20s as a 30 year old is not predatory unless you’re preying on them (taking advantage of them by welding power over them or using their inexperience against them). It does not sound like you will be preying on them. Right now, focus on finding someone you like, their exact age doesn’t matter like you think it does.
Imo it’s not enough of gap to be a big deal, there are much worse age gaps, especially when you’re talking about only people above 21. I’ve often dated older and when I was in my early 20s I would go on the occasional date with someone around 30 and the biggest reaction I got from friends or people around me was light teasing, but most didn’t really care. Now that I’m 30 I don’t feel that uncomfortable dating down to around 25, but I also look young and don’t feel like I’ve matured that much since my 20s.
I don’t think most people would care at the end of the day, I feel like it only becomes weird when you’re like in your 40s dating down to 20 something.
So it’s more like you’re into someone younger and you want to ask if it’s ok to date them? That depends on other circumstances, not just the age.
People don’t often believe I’m old enough to have a daughter in her 20s. Take it as a blessing! Just do what feels right, and don’t worry too much about assumptions.
Hell, find a 35 year old that looks 55 and then you’ll REALLY mess with people!
Date whoever you want.
Happy birthday!
Just for the sake of anyone interested, OP recently made another post about looking too young (but not about relationships): https://discuss.tchncs.de/post/40800887
If nothing else, it might give more context.
My partner and I both look younger than our ages. It works just fine. Just watch out for creepy men.
