Bonus points: if that place/activity is friendly for disabled people with limited mobility.
Without bonus points: climbing. It’s always done in groups, the community is very open and you spend a lot of time just talking.
Basically you show up to a local climbing gym, try a boulder, some guy tries it after you, you say something like “I think you need to switch hands here”, you start chatting, ask him about outdoor climbing in the area, he says that he’s going to a nice stop this weekend, invites you to join, you go and hang out with people all day. It really is that simple.
Check out meetup.com for any particular hobbies you’re into.
Rock climbing assuming you have a little spare change for a membership & a local gym. Go boulder. Folks are chill.
Local sports leagues. I was chatting with a friend who was talking about how much fun they’re having with softball… Including how they can now hit the ball 50% of the time.
I would argue that this can be any acitivty which can be done in a group setting and which you enjoy. Maybe check out urban gardening? They sometimes acommodate to people with limited Mobility.
Volunteer in outreach orgs or at events that are related to your interests.
There are also mutual aid orgs. They are almost always accessibility aware. Maybe check in with MADR. They may be able to point to local groups if you’re in the US.
There’s also Food Not Bombs which is great!
Your local discgolf club / community if you’re into that.
First off, you cannot attend any kind of event where women are involved.
I’m not doing a battle of the sexes thing, but the reality is that social dynamics massively change when opposite sex are involved. It is fundamentally impossible to have genuine interactions with other men, when women are around.
Before you get all triggered and decide to hit the downvote, remember I am not doing battle of the sexes…you cannot take women’s wine night for example, deposit a man in the group and expect the social dynamic to remain the same.
So go find something where women are not allowed. Find a clubhouse with a crudely written sign that says “no girls allowed” and the R is backwards.
Find a place where men are not in competition for the attention of women.
Pursue your interests in life and people you’re going to hit it off with will be along the way.
Yeah unfortunately most of my interests are stuff that are done solo. Im also not sure if those interests became my interests because i have been solo most of my life. Moved around allot as a kid. That’s why I want to bridge out to new things.
- Linux
- Comic books
- Reading novels
- Electronic Engineering
- Video Games
I’m at a similar age and have similar interests. I’ve not been successful. I’ve done what others suggest, but not many people are making a genuine connection. Meetup.com ends up being an activity for the meet up and not connection outside. Conventions and gaming makes people get together for the event…but again little interest outside that.
Some of this might be a skill issue. Some of this has to do with how incredibly socially reserved the British are (all my ongoing friends are with non-British people while loving in England, because they’re the ones who will accept invites and meet up again). Some of this has to do with having interests that hardly anyone shares IRL.
Good luck.
Yeah i so get you dude. It’s funny you bring up being British. I’m half English and have the same problem when I go to cons. Like I went to the local Vintage Computer Festival South West. People were nice but just could never get anyone make the jump to genuine connection.
Being on crutches I think puts it on hard mode. As people ether consciously or unconsciously just don’t want to deal with disabled people. I feel that is less an issue in the UK but in the states most people are down right hostile sometimes to disabled people.
Shit dude, that sounds terrible with people giving you attitude for mobility aids.
I haven’t tried clubs (book club, warhammer, etc) and haven’t tried hobby classes.
I’ve had postgraduate formal classes, but that had mature students who had young families that they were keen to get back to (rather than hanging out).
Thanks dude, i will im used to the overtly hostile people. It’s the people that don’t even realize they do it that kills me. Because that’s not them being assholes that’s the systematic bias built by our society as a whole.
Oh man I was the guy that said “Just go to cons” above but I see what you’re saying. Genuine connections take time.
One way I have really had some luck is just messaging friends I haven’t talked to in a while to check in on them. Most don’t reply but sometimes one does. One guy I messaged after not seeing him in 20 years and now we hang out every other week.
Maybe there is no winning strategy, just gotta be persistent.
Yeah it’s a good plan if you can do it. But with moving around allot I don’t really have those old friends in the area. It’s regretful now but as a teen and up to my early twenties. I was of a mind set I’m just going to move in a few years anyway might as well stick to myself. I was that kid in high-school that just did his work didn’t bother anyone. Then just disappeared without you really noticing him. You might have asked to barrow a pen in class.
Hey! you sound pretty cool! :D
Go to cons my guy. Join the tournaments, stand in line. People are friendly just aim for a good conversation and be curious about people
Book club or maybe even some sort of 3d printing meetup? I’ve always found that the people that are interested in those probably would hit the other items on your list.
Video games can be very social though.
Have you tried discord communities for any games you like?
Or alternative look for a game with a good community?
Yeah I tried a discord group called Gamers Who Chill: DFW but it tended to skew to collage kids or teens. Didn’t feel comfortable engaging. As i didn’t want to come off like a creepy old dude by talking to kids.
I wanted to give a second vote for discord. I’m in several channels that aren’t for videogames but for my other hobbies, and things like age/gender never even really come up because everyone is there to talk about whatever said hobby is. Then again, I do most of my communication through text and not voice and I suppose that can make a difference when dealing with the younger crowds.
Yeah i do that mainly with the tildeverse IRC channels and while fun to have a quick chat with a stranger it seems for me those interactions never cross the gap to become a genuine connection beyond talking in IRC or Discord.
You mean you hang out with them and they just feel mundane.
More i say hi they say hi we talk about a topic then they go away. Like where you talk to an anonymous screen name an don’t know anything about the person behind it. You enjoy the conversation much like how I enjoy talking with everyone on lemmy but that connection doesn’t turn into a connection where im added to an invite list at that person’s wedding or graduation. Like you would with a friend group.
Some games will have younger audience, I really don’t see an issue tbh but their spazzing can get annoying quick
I am not sure what’s in vogue now. But for example elite dangerous used to have a strong community for middle aged cucks. Eve online too I heard
I was able to reconnect with high schools and college friends recently via video games. If you got old friends like that, might be worth reaching out. Everyone seemed settled in a rut and bored now and willing to do it. When I tried it 10 years ago, everyone was busy “living life”
Oh im not sure I can go back to EVE. That consumed my life in my twenties. 😁
Archery. Relatively cheap sport to get into (no consumable bullets).
As for limited mobility, that depends on what you mean, wheelchair - not a problem, upper body - maybe a problem, depending on the extent. Crossbows can solve the strength part, but if you can’t aim, that will be a bit harder.
Kind of building on the D&D subject, if you look up your local game stores that have playspace, they probably have a calendar on their website listing lots of “Open Play” events or something similar. Mine also has craft/hobby nights.
You normally just show up to these and play.
The card and army based games may expect you to have your own stuff, but I would get in touch with somebody because a lot of the time there’s going to be somebody who will let you try the game with their stuff and teach you how to play in hopes of getting you interested long-term.
If you have any interest is medieval things check out the Society of Creative Anachronism. www.sca.org
Even if you only want to meet new nerdy\geeky people. As long as you don’t mind wearing silly clothing.
This is somewhat dependent on living close enough to a city.
This is very cool. I think I have seen some people that do this at the Scarborough Ren Fair down here.
Your nearest, biggest city’s library is a good place to look. Libraries almost always have something going on in a spare public room or have public event flyers hung up. If you’re interested in politics, going and yelling at city council is a great way to meet local activists.
If you are musical or like music maybe find a local weekly jam or open mic. Play some tunes or just go and enjoy. Typically a very welcoming and open community and supportive scene, at least everywhere I’ve been.
as one with limited mobility, i have made friends at the local, extremely small, music venue. tickets at the door are $20, beer is cheap, and everyone is super friendly.
because its a small place, the owner lets me take a chair with me when i am going to one of the stages that has no seating (i use a cane; its hard to stand for long periods). i usually sit next to the merch tables, and the friends of the bands usually strike up conversation.
this is a suuuuuper small place. it has 2-3 stages (depending on the night), but they are really close together, so only one band at a time can play (two stages are outside because the building is so small). even if its not music, go to really small local places that get decent crowds - they are a lot more personable.
That’s interesting how do you get to know people? Doesn’t the music make it hard to hear people? I feel like in that scenario i would go listen to music and have a good time but would still be alone in a crowd.
usually a band plays for ~30-45m - enjoying music time - and ~15m-1h (depending on the setup for that night) of downtime for chatting.
Oh that’s cool i guess i didn’t think of it as live music only. I was picturing a place where they blast a DJ or playlist way to loud between bands playing.
You are in Dallas? The main redeeming quality of Texas is the music. I wholeheartedly agree with this suggestion.
Also going out to the same places at the same time can pay off, you will make acquaintances and some may become friends. I see a group of old guys at the cafe I go to for coffee, pretty sure they are only friends because they go get breakfast at the Cuban place and ended up talking and sitting together.
I will say though, almost all my friends I met as adult came from work or from them going out with someone in my family. The medium level friends you are probably looking for. Do you not have work?
Related, many small(-ish) bars have a stage for live music on Friday/Saturday. There may not be enough seating for those nights, and there’s little/no standing room, so people randomly share tables. From there, you strike up conversation with other fans.
Find the small places where they advertise the bands by name, and make sure they aren’t just cover bands. Irish pubs have been lucky for me, but there’s another place near me that regularly has jam bands.
Furry convention
