When I was a teenager, I thought people in their 20’s were the most attractive. Now that I’m about 40, I still think people in their 20’s are the most attractive. It’s hard for me to believe that I might ever be attracted to someone past retirement age, even when I’m past retirement age myself, unless the person is like one of those celebrities who look way younger than they are.
This isn’t something I can comfortably ask most older people I know, but there’s one man who admits that he isn’t and one woman who is. Which is more normal?
As a 40 year old male I find that character becomes a bigger factor, even if it sounds cheesy. Sure, a hot but bland 20 something can be attractive and that will not change, but I would rather spend my time with an interesting 60 year old. Maybe it is because I am no Adonis either. But I also like to believe that a DiCaprio type situation would make me deadly afraid of taking advantage of someone at a much different stage of life.
I would also theorize that as it becomes more difficult to guess the age by looks alone character becomes a more important differentiator. Of course some signs of age can not be hidden, but there are plenty of 18 year olds dressing much older as well as lots of older women not giving off grandma vibes.
at least you aren’t 60 and only find people under 15 attractive
As others have alluded to, your question requires a distinction: are you talking about wanting to date or wanting to fuck?
Romantic attraction is based on the full package. Yes, their appearance matters, but so does their personality, their hobbies and interests, their emotional maturity, their ability to hold a conversation, their experiences and worldview, etc.
Sexiness is just about physical appearance. How their body looks, facial structure, the way they do their hair, their posture and confidence, their clothes, etc.
I’m a dude, just north of 40. I think peak physical attraction is a woman who’s 18-25, brunette, slim and toned, small to medium breasts, I’m not much of an ass man, etc.
But, I’m a middle aged dude. Would I want to date most women that age? Hellllllll no. My gf is 5 years younger than me and even that small of a gap has shown some differences in things like pop culture references and lived experiences. I can’t imagine easily connecting with someone that young.
I don’t see how I could have a romantic relationship with someone I didn’t want to have sex with. The man I mentioned who is no longer attracted to women his age does have a woman his age in his life who was his girlfriend when they met 25 years ago and the two of them still enjoy spending time together, but they no longer have a physical relationship although he does still have a sex drive. He’s sad about this but accepts it as the way things are for older people. I don’t know how she feels.
I can understand how you don’t want to date someone a lot younger than you, although I don’t have any personal experience with that - I’ve never had a partner more than a couple of years younger than I am. However, I’m a man who has had little in common with most of the women I’ve dated, simply because I have little in common with most women. (My hobbies might be crudely called “autistic”.) Thus, for me dating has involved finding women I get along with surprisingly well despite having so little in common.
Maybe I also wouldn’t enjoy the company of someone a lot younger than me, but the main problems I foresee are that (1) no one like that would want to date me and (2) even if I found someone like that who wanted to date me now then I doubt she would still want to date me when I was old as opposed to just middle-aged.
Aw dude, no, flip it around: I can’t imagine having a sexual relationship with someone I’m not romantically entwined with. Real intimacy is about so much more than sex – sex is part of it, but it’s also about trust and openness and what you’ve lived through together… It’s a whole package and you’re focusing on one small aspect & not even looking at the rest.
I’ve been married 13 years. We’re aging. I birthed three kids and my stomach looks bizarre now. We’ve got grey hair, we’ve both had a variety of body shapes and sizes over the years… our love has only grown and the sex has never been better. Don’t take your friend’s anecdote as something that happens to everyone. It doesn’t. (You should talk to someone who works in a senior’s home sometime; people our grandparents’ age are still sexually active despite being pretty far from the bloom of youth!)
I agree with a lot of the other commenters that people in their 20s are nice to look and and can be fun to talk to but also seem like children to me at this point. I couldn’t even imagine pursuing someone so much younger than me; mentally and in terms of experience we’re way too far apart.
Ps. Don’t look at who you’re most physically attracted to & assume everyone feels the same way. I’ve always thought that men hit their peak around age 55.
I’m 30. At this point, 21-year-olds are nice to look at but generally horrible to talk to. I’d not really want to date someone under 25 because they’re immature, inexperienced with life/politics, and often annoying. I’ve always preferred people who are just above my own age because I like to engage socially and intellectually with my partners.
Maybe if I had a lot of money and wanted to hire a sex worker, I’d go for someone under 25 (depends on the person), but for actual intimacy with someone I want to keep around? Someone my age, please. I feel physical repulsion at the thought of being with a teenager or someone in their early 20s.
It’s probably somewhat normal to find younger people physically attractive, but what does that mean to you? Are you going to be marrying someone who is 21 at 50? That’s not typical and won’t be easily accepted.
You don’t have to fantasize about wrinkles or whatever to be attracted to an older person. Mariska Hargitay is fucking hot, so is Gillian Anderson, Jonathan Frakes, and Karl Urban. It’s not because they’re old, it’s because they’re still good-looking despite age and maintain their bodies.
I’m definitely not old (~30), and my preference has generally been my age +/- 5 years.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that my sexual attraction has migrated from being solely based on physical attributes to being partially based emotional connection, intelligence, passion, etc.
I think it’s also important to note that an individual’s “peak attractiveness” can occur at different stages of their life.
You’re developing romantic attraction. It’s different from sexual attraction, but usually people think of them as one and the same.
I disagree that it can only be romantic attraction.
For example, I can find a random person attractive if they’re displaying a skill they’re proficient in, talking passionately about a subject they’re knowledgeable in, or freely enjoying themselves. And all without feeling any kind of romantic inclination towards them.
It’s primarily sexual despite the fact it’s not necessarily physical
As someone markedly older than that, physical attraction is always worth appeciation, but the ability to understand and discuss our world in a nuanced fashion without having to explain things at an overly simple level is priceless.
It comes as no surprise that sexual urges dip as you age. Having someone you can really relate to, though, never gets old.
I’m… Unfortunately older than I wish I was. I am very solidly Gen X. I still find young people physically attractive. But I also find people my own age attractive; I most certainly would not have found people my age attractive when I was in my 20s. Even though I may find younger people attractive, I have zero interest in relationships with them. Not only do I already have a partner, but I simply have nothing in common with most of them. If I make references to Thundercats or He-Man, that shit is going to go entirely over their heads, and I’m likewise not going to understand any of their cultural references.
You’re one of several people mentioning shared cultural references, but if you’re male and your partner is female then I’m surprised that she has any interest in things like Thundercats or He-Man regardless of her age. I’m more of a Transformers fan myself and I’ve never even met a woman who would respond to anything Transformers-related with more than just polite disinterest.
I’m a nerdy heterosexual man, and in my experience practically no women share my interests or hobbies. Therefore my relationships have been built around doing the things that pretty much everyone enjoys - eating a nice meal, going for a walk, talking about current events, playing with pets, etc. A good partner is someone who enjoys doing these ordinary things with me. Maybe someone who does share my interests would be even better but I don’t think finding a person like that is likely enough to be worth passing up other opportunities.
I wonder why your experience is apparently so different from mine. Am I unusual or are you?
I tend to find people around my age the most attractive. I’m in my mid thirties. 20 year olds look like babies to me and the idea of being with one in any sense is not appealing.
This wasn’t the case when I was younger. A 30 year old wasn’t attractive to me when i was 20.
I think you are generally attracted to people around your age but it changes. When you are a kid, girls your age are attractive, but so are older girls. As you get older, older women become more attractive, but younger women don’t stop being attractive.
I’m 40, and I’m really only attracted to people my age, maybe late 30s, but much younger than that and I’m really not into it. This has been pretty consistent my whole life, of course I had crushes in school, but after being a teen probably around 22+ I Really wasn’t interested in teens. But 30 I was not interested in 20s. If I had to find someone, which I’m really not anticipating, I wouldn’t bother dating someone younger than 35-38 through whatever 45-50 range.
No, it just becomes a more suitable option. It’s important for the survival of a species to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age. There are often outliers, of course. They are natures way of probing for better ages.
to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age.
Are you sure?
It sounds more like a death sentence than a survival mechanism in this economy.
Evolution didn’t plan on an economy even existing
As seems to be the consensus, I still find people in their 20s physically attractive, but the prospect of spending any significant amount of time talking to most people more than 5 or so years separated from my age is pretty exhausting. If we’re talking long term relationships, I’d rather compromise a bit on looks in favor of a roughly contemporary personality than vice versa. And, as I get older, my threshold for “attractive” softens a bit to accommodate that personality.
Great answer!
As a 40 something this pretty much matches my thoughts.
I would add that my hormones have settled down in the last 20 years as well. Like when you’re 20 there’s this “imperative” to pursue sexual encounters. Now it’s still there but it’s just more sensible.
I’ll also add that I think around 30 is the most appealing age. I probably thought that when I was 18 too.
Xaviera Hollander said it best.
“A man isn’t old until there are no women his own age who excite him. A woman is old the first time she looks for clothes that make her look younger.”
There is a reason why retirement homes and nursing facilities are the #2 highest locations for STIs, behind college campuses.
I’ve heard that statistic but it doesn’t match what I’ve seen in my own family. My grandparents weren’t physically intimate with each other even when I was a kid and they were relatively young. (I lived with them so I would have noticed if they ever wanted private time together, and they never did.) This, combined with the fact that many people in nursing homes are in no condition to actually have (consensual) sex, makes me wonder if the explanation for that statistic is not as straightforward as it seems.
I would say maybe a case of what are you referring to as attractive. I’m also iny 40s and would say 20s looks good, BUT, the gap in lived experiences, world views, musical tastes, etc, would get tiresome very quickly.
I also recognize that I’m not some Hollywood hero pretty myself, so trying to base a relationship on what is physically appealing as the first thought is not going to go far.
Dated a girl almost 10 years apart, not that huge in the grand scheme of things. We didn’t have a thing in common and it didn’t last long…never again
Yes the riper the banana the sweeter the taste…
