When I was a teenager, I thought people in their 20’s were the most attractive. Now that I’m about 40, I still think people in their 20’s are the most attractive. It’s hard for me to believe that I might ever be attracted to someone past retirement age, even when I’m past retirement age myself, unless the person is like one of those celebrities who look way younger than they are.
This isn’t something I can comfortably ask most older people I know, but there’s one man who admits that he isn’t and one woman who is. Which is more normal?
I am in a long term relationship, so I’m not walking around looking for options. However, I am in my mid-forties, and I genuinely find people (of any gender) around my own age the most attractive, including on a purely physical level.
Anyone younger than mid-thirties or so just look like children (not literally, but it’s the best analogy I can think of). I don’t find them physically appealing. I obviously cannot say if this will continue to be the case as I get older, but as of right now, it’s true.
at least you aren’t 60 and only find people under 15 attractive
As others have alluded to, your question requires a distinction: are you talking about wanting to date or wanting to fuck?
Romantic attraction is based on the full package. Yes, their appearance matters, but so does their personality, their hobbies and interests, their emotional maturity, their ability to hold a conversation, their experiences and worldview, etc.
Sexiness is just about physical appearance. How their body looks, facial structure, the way they do their hair, their posture and confidence, their clothes, etc.
I’m a dude, just north of 40. I think peak physical attraction is a woman who’s 18-25, brunette, slim and toned, small to medium breasts, I’m not much of an ass man, etc.
But, I’m a middle aged dude. Would I want to date most women that age? Hellllllll no. My gf is 5 years younger than me and even that small of a gap has shown some differences in things like pop culture references and lived experiences. I can’t imagine easily connecting with someone that young.
I don’t see how I could have a romantic relationship with someone I didn’t want to have sex with. The man I mentioned who is no longer attracted to women his age does have a woman his age in his life who was his girlfriend when they met 25 years ago and the two of them still enjoy spending time together, but they no longer have a physical relationship although he does still have a sex drive. He’s sad about this but accepts it as the way things are for older people. I don’t know how she feels.
I can understand how you don’t want to date someone a lot younger than you, although I don’t have any personal experience with that - I’ve never had a partner more than a couple of years younger than I am. However, I’m a man who has had little in common with most of the women I’ve dated, simply because I have little in common with most women. (My hobbies might be crudely called “autistic”.) Thus, for me dating has involved finding women I get along with surprisingly well despite having so little in common.
Maybe I also wouldn’t enjoy the company of someone a lot younger than me, but the main problems I foresee are that (1) no one like that would want to date me and (2) even if I found someone like that who wanted to date me now then I doubt she would still want to date me when I was old as opposed to just middle-aged.
Aw dude, no, flip it around: I can’t imagine having a sexual relationship with someone I’m not romantically entwined with. Real intimacy is about so much more than sex – sex is part of it, but it’s also about trust and openness and what you’ve lived through together… It’s a whole package and you’re focusing on one small aspect & not even looking at the rest.
I’ve been married 13 years. We’re aging. I birthed three kids and my stomach looks bizarre now. We’ve got grey hair, we’ve both had a variety of body shapes and sizes over the years… our love has only grown and the sex has never been better. Don’t take your friend’s anecdote as something that happens to everyone. It doesn’t. (You should talk to someone who works in a senior’s home sometime; people our grandparents’ age are still sexually active despite being pretty far from the bloom of youth!)
I agree with a lot of the other commenters that people in their 20s are nice to look and and can be fun to talk to but also seem like children to me at this point. I couldn’t even imagine pursuing someone so much younger than me; mentally and in terms of experience we’re way too far apart.
Ps. Don’t look at who you’re most physically attracted to & assume everyone feels the same way. I’ve always thought that men hit their peak around age 55.
I’m 30. At this point, 21-year-olds are nice to look at but generally horrible to talk to. I’d not really want to date someone under 25 because they’re immature, inexperienced with life/politics, and often annoying. I’ve always preferred people who are just above my own age because I like to engage socially and intellectually with my partners.
Maybe if I had a lot of money and wanted to hire a sex worker, I’d go for someone under 25 (depends on the person), but for actual intimacy with someone I want to keep around? Someone my age, please. I feel physical repulsion at the thought of being with a teenager or someone in their early 20s.
It’s probably somewhat normal to find younger people physically attractive, but what does that mean to you? Are you going to be marrying someone who is 21 at 50? That’s not typical and won’t be easily accepted.
You don’t have to fantasize about wrinkles or whatever to be attracted to an older person. Mariska Hargitay is fucking hot, so is Gillian Anderson, Jonathan Frakes, and Karl Urban. It’s not because they’re old, it’s because they’re still good-looking despite age and maintain their bodies.
I’m definitely not old (~30), and my preference has generally been my age +/- 5 years.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that my sexual attraction has migrated from being solely based on physical attributes to being partially based emotional connection, intelligence, passion, etc.
I think it’s also important to note that an individual’s “peak attractiveness” can occur at different stages of their life.
As someone markedly older than that, physical attraction is always worth appeciation, but the ability to understand and discuss our world in a nuanced fashion without having to explain things at an overly simple level is priceless.
It comes as no surprise that sexual urges dip as you age. Having someone you can really relate to, though, never gets old.
You’re developing romantic attraction. It’s different from sexual attraction, but usually people think of them as one and the same.
I disagree that it can only be romantic attraction.
For example, I can find a random person attractive if they’re displaying a skill they’re proficient in, talking passionately about a subject they’re knowledgeable in, or freely enjoying themselves. And all without feeling any kind of romantic inclination towards them.
It’s primarily sexual despite the fact it’s not necessarily physical
I think you are generally attracted to people around your age but it changes. When you are a kid, girls your age are attractive, but so are older girls. As you get older, older women become more attractive, but younger women don’t stop being attractive.
I’m 40, and I’m really only attracted to people my age, maybe late 30s, but much younger than that and I’m really not into it. This has been pretty consistent my whole life, of course I had crushes in school, but after being a teen probably around 22+ I Really wasn’t interested in teens. But 30 I was not interested in 20s. If I had to find someone, which I’m really not anticipating, I wouldn’t bother dating someone younger than 35-38 through whatever 45-50 range.
No, it just becomes a more suitable option. It’s important for the survival of a species to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age. There are often outliers, of course. They are natures way of probing for better ages.
to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age.
Are you sure?
It sounds more like a death sentence than a survival mechanism in this economy.
Evolution didn’t plan on an economy even existing
Xaviera Hollander said it best.
“A man isn’t old until there are no women his own age who excite him. A woman is old the first time she looks for clothes that make her look younger.”
There is a reason why retirement homes and nursing facilities are the #2 highest locations for STIs, behind college campuses.
I’ve heard that statistic but it doesn’t match what I’ve seen in my own family. My grandparents weren’t physically intimate with each other even when I was a kid and they were relatively young. (I lived with them so I would have noticed if they ever wanted private time together, and they never did.) This, combined with the fact that many people in nursing homes are in no condition to actually have (consensual) sex, makes me wonder if the explanation for that statistic is not as straightforward as it seems.
I would say maybe a case of what are you referring to as attractive. I’m also iny 40s and would say 20s looks good, BUT, the gap in lived experiences, world views, musical tastes, etc, would get tiresome very quickly.
I also recognize that I’m not some Hollywood hero pretty myself, so trying to base a relationship on what is physically appealing as the first thought is not going to go far.
Dated a girl almost 10 years apart, not that huge in the grand scheme of things. We didn’t have a thing in common and it didn’t last long…never again
I’ve always been attracted to folks with cute & youthful vibe. But when I was a teen that was pretty restricted to other teens, even the ‘young looking’ twenty year olds who were playing high-school students on TV obviously looked older and therefore less attractive to me.
But now I’m in my 40s my range of who looks youthful and hot is much wider. Now I find 20s hotter than teens, 30s can look pretty youthful, and I’m not super attracted to older people, but I find them less gross because I’m used to what older bodies look like (I have one!). And since physical attractiveness is just one part of overall attraction, I’d probably find a cute & 39 person more overall attractive than cute & 19, just because my experience is that most 39 year olds are funnier and more socially skilled than teenagers.
I can’t imagine every finding a 70 year old hotter on a physical level to 20 year old. But I can imagine being so content and in love with my elderly partner that I didn’t care that much.
Dunno, I find myself being less and less attracted to anybody more than 5-6 years younger than me.
You have to stop and think about what is really sexy.
Is it sexy when someone pretends to be into you? Most people would agree not.
A person 20 years younger than you, are they really attracted to you? Do they really know you? Do they really want to be with YOU?
Once sex becomes about the intimate connection and not just the physical bumpin uglies, it changes.
That said, looking at porn and fantasizing you can pretend to be any age you want. Thus, you may find yourself thinking you are not attracted to people your own age if you are only looking at porn of the “hottest” people.
Hard to tell what is ‘normal’. Humans can be extremely diverse in their preferences and views.
I am about the same age as you. 20 to 30 year olds are most attractive to me in general too.
